Femion

I can see your house from here...

I got bored in bio today, so here's what it produced.
These are the satellite images of the houses of people who are related to me.
Guess who lives where! (hint: the name of the image is the answer)

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Also, no gazette article this week, for once. I got pushed out for more important stuff. Like, actual news.

Meet you at the penis statue

Several weeks ago I was elected the DSU rep of Eliza Ritchie. It’s nothing to be congratulated about, I ran uncontested although I could have been voted out by my fellow dorm mates.

A couple of weeks ago I was initiated into council. This is my story.

At seven o’clock we met in the A-lounge. For some reason we decided to meet there to get ready even though it’s the only lounge that is also a hallway. Some people, in my opinion, got off easy. Kelsey, the vice-president, wore some ridiculous clothing, and scuba gear. Rebecca, the chairperson, was a pirate, and Manuel, the president, didn’t even participate. Emily, the treasurer, had to dress up like a goth and stop talking for the evening. (I guess this was degrading because she usually loves to wear bright colours.) Katie, the food and environment rep, was dressed up like a bunch of grapes with her face painted green. All they were going to make me do was wear a box reading “Stick it in me” with holes in it – it’s a reference to SNL’s dick in a box gag, but I guess that wasn’t enough, so I had to go down to the laundry room and put on everything that was in the lost and found. It was mostly boxers and socks – and of those boxers, only two pairs of underwear were obviously belonging to women – though there was a few interesting articles of clothing, like a pair of ski pants and some blue tights that could only fit a five year old. It took me a fairly long time to put everything on. I really didn’t want to touch some of those boxers. But, to my advantage, I had plenty of time to get ready.

Chris, the sports rep, arrived late. He was given a razor and some shaving cream and told to shave his legs. About an hour later, he still wasn’t back from the shower. We were all getting a little bit annoyed. With balloons ducktaped to her ass, Katie couldn’t sit down or lean on anything. Since we were leaving the residence building, the old council weren’t allowed to give us alcohol, which pissed off a few who were looking forward to getting drunk for free. Drunk residents came by and decided that it would be a good idea to threaten Katie with a pin. And old council member got bored and taped an open condom to the outside of my box. Someone asked what was taking Chris so long, and I answered, joking, “He probably cut himself and now he’s bleeding to death.”.

But that’s almost what happened. Someone left to go check on him and he was found trying to stop his knees and ankles from bleeding. It took the entire first aid supply of gauze to bandage up his legs, and his hands were covered in blood. The original plan was to get him to put spandex on and roll around in the sand of the volleyball court behind Eliza with shaven legs and chocolate sauce in his hair. The old council wasn’t going to be that cruel, but they still put the chocolate sauce in his hair. So then he had blood and chocolate on his hands – it’s like Valentine’s Day for vampires.

We were finally ready to go outside – there was a set route we were supposed to follow: first to Shirreff to visit the residence manager, next to the library, then the Graewood, and finally end up at the penis statue. No kidding, it’s a sculpture of modern art that looks like a penis. Whoever got the commission to sculpt it made the biggest prank ever on Dalhousie University. It was a cold March night. Katie, who had the balloons taped to her t-shirt and jeans, and Chris, who was wearing spandex shorts with no leg hair to insulate him, were freezing. I was fine – in fact, I was overheating with all the clothing and the box I was wearing. We stuck together as a group from Eliza to Shirreff, but as soon as we left to go to the library, the initiatees took off because they couldn’t stand the cold. My fifty pairs of boxers sort of prevented me from running – especially because there is a moderately steep hill up from Shirreff Hall, so I stayed behind with the old council members. We followed the trail of popped purple balloons and ducktape around campus. Katie was obviously loosing her grapes.

When the initiatees reached the library, they were kicked out because Eliza’s president was back with the old council members and me. They left through the library exit towards Howe Hall. Figuring that they got some idea of where we were going, we headed off towards the penis statue. A few minutes later, we see all of the initiatees running right past us, all the way back to the residence.

I guess it was then that the old council members decided that I’d had enough. Walking back, I started peeling off the layers of lost-and-found clothing. Alex carried my box home and made box jokes all the way home, ie: “Catherine, you’re such a whore, I’ve got my whole face in your box.” And “Now I’ve got my whole torso in your box!”.

All of the socks came off at one time – so if you lost a sock, good luck digging through all the others to get it. And please, keep track of your boxers. And your ski pants.

I really don’t get the point of my initiation. It was more gross and irritating than humiliating. Chris now sees it as his right to make the next sports rep do something equally as horrible because of what he had to do this year. Personally, I’d prefer to end the tradition of initiating the person in my position.

On a side story, after it was over, Alex, Justin, Courtney and I went out to Dairy Queen. We were supposed to get frosty chocolate milkshakes, but somehow we all ended up ordering different things. We changed some of the IWK balloons there: we added “James, bitch!” to one that had ‘Rick’ on it, and we added ‘Satan’ to ‘God bless’. Yeah, that was pretty immature. I’m making up for the times I wasn’t juvenile in high school.

Gazette #21 Trust in Science DONE!

Doubt in Science

This article marks the final Trust in Science lecture. I'm free!!!!!

This is Chere Milankie Entry Number....

Gazette #20 - All sorts of synonyms for Robots

Animal Cyborgs on the Rise

Silly science news stories: no controversy, no problem.

Gazette #19 Back to Darwin

From Rocks to Life

Follow up to the In defense of Darwin collumn. The caption on the picture going with this collumn in the gazette got chopped in two so the meaning is lost. I wonder if this will draw any responses.

Avoid the Corners

This is my political position as of today:

Now watch that red dot sink to the bottom right as I grow up.

World's Smallest Political Quiz.

Gazette #18 - Psychics are easy Targets

Stopping Sylvia

Yes, I am jumping on the stop Sylvia Browne bandwagon. Not that I'll have any effect at all, other than to entertain. If this even works to entertain. At least I don't think it will be controversial.

You'll probably notice that my own little collumn masthead now appears with my articles. I look like a drooling devil child, but it doesn't look that bad in print.

Next week I respond to some of the questions about the origins of life.